♥ Miss 卓明珠

Thursday, July 19, 2007

i hate the way i am nows .
i want to change I WANT TO CHANGE ,
i want to change and become a more understanding , caring , patient discipline , neat person .

the me nows , i don't know who is she . she's not the girl SHE used to be ,
she was once a very HYPER active girl that can't stop moving around . she will always be there for people whenever they need help . she will understand how people are feeling and she will always revise her work toos .

but the her now , she isin't doing anything . she's just talking about peoples bad stuff , not studying and she doesn't even care when people are in need of help .
she's heartless . i know you people may see me emo .
but people i'm not , ever since my older brother have spoken to me , i've just realised as days goes by what mistakes i've done how have i become into .
yesterday , i looked at the mirror for a long time . talking to myself in the mirror , do you know who is she . ? and i said NO .

you may think that i'm mad but i'm not i'm trying to comfort myself . i've seriously let down my sisters sherri and joanne even joshua hay who used to be my gan daddy .
i've changed and made them change too , supporting them in those bad things when they tell me . have i changed . ?
YES , indeed .
todays lesson were totally uber boring .
during the 1st semester i'm always be very attentive in class , responsible in class .
but nows .? i'm not .

i seriously reflected upon myself , those bad things i have done .
and i seriously want to change .
today agains . i didn't have my dinner , how pathetic can i be .? i'm actually forcing myself not to eat . i guessed this must be some kind of retribution i had to take in .

all i know is , i want to be the OLD brenna cheok ming zhu .
but i just don't know hows .
i'm hopeless . my brothers have given hope & trust on me . what can i do to gain back .?
what and hows .? i can't survive in my family without having any trust and hope .
i want people to push me behind my back telling me those things what to do and not to do .

i know that i have already hurt alot of people , turning into a bad girl which i promised them that i will not . the old brenna cheok doesn't breaks people promise , but nows .? she is doing it .
she even promised a teacher MS CHIN that she will not change .
my dearest sisters GUILING , EEXUAN , JOANNE , ADONCIA , MICHELLE i'm really sorry of what i have done . how i wish you guys could still stay in eastview for a another year .

i want to have a bright future . if i want to have a bright future then you should start from now .! working hard , acing all your subjects . get into a A maths class and double science class , go to poly , get into uni study about vet and get a job . at the same time , have some time for my piano , get a degree toos .

i think highly of myself as i don't want people to look down at me like last time when i was in primary school , i hated those feelings .

oh yas that passerby right .? i'm feeling happy that wilson got wacked as i have been keeping those feelings about wilson in my heart since i was in pri.6
its been a year and i still cannot get rid of that feeling . he was te first person i feel like wacking okays .? but i just TA-HANED .!

to EEXUAN , GUILING && JOANNE : thankyous for your support . i will change and become a good girl . i promise . ILOVEyous guys. !

GREATGRANDmother HUIYU : i'll cheer myself up . [:

the rest : sorry for the late taggies , i was busy .

}-``brina .'*
&& she doesn't know who is she nows .

i'm LOVED, staywithme Y
9:43 PM